Carl Tyler's Blog

1 - You coming North, at all?

2 - No just Florida, going to NH would get the immigration folks all jittery.

3 - Isn't there some sort of tradeshow tip that goes don't wear new shoes that you haven't worn in yet to work the booth?

4 - Well I got the new shoes especially for the show. They are Dr Martes Airware shows, much adored when I was a kid, I am hoping they are going to help with the "carpet has no underlay and I can't feel my feet anymore"

5 - I hate you because you are in Florida and I am in Boston, where there's 2 feet of snow on the ground and it hasn't stopped coming down yet.

6 - URGENT Action Needed THIS WEEK to Protect Lotusphere 2006!

By now, it should be painfully obvious to everyone that the weather gods have a BIG problem with Lotusphere.

This is not the first time that horrible storms have interfered with staff, customers, Business Partners, analysts, the press, friends, Romans, and countrymen getting there. (Maybe we all should have acted even more humanitarily in response to the Tsunami.)

Clearly, urgent action is needed THIS WEEK -- before the end of Lotusphere 2005 -- to make amends and protect all future Lotuspheres!

I propose a four point plan (one for each day of Lotusphere):

1. Opening General Session -- Monday, January 24, 2005

Either Ambuj Goyal or the host of the Opening General Session -- whomever is the first to speak -- must ask everyone in the ballroom to refrain from any and all complaints about the weather for the entirety of Lotusphere 2005 -- that is, from that moment until the last paying attendee leaves the ballroom at the end of the Closing General Session.

2. Innovators Panel -- Tuesday, January 25, 2005

The panel member with the earliest hire date (preferably at Iris Associates, but Lotus is acceptable), on behalf of every developer who ever worked on Notes/Domino code, must apologize for every single SPR that was opened in response to a customer support call.

At his or her discretion, the panel member may choose to apologize for every single Lotus SPR ever written -- including those written by the developers and QA/QE teams themselves. Including IBM Workplace would be a good idea, too!

3. Lotusphere 2005 Party -- Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The Turtle (http://www.gonzolotusphere.com/gonzo/ls2005.nsf?Open) must be the guest of honor at the sacrifice of a small animal. (Preferably not a turtle. Or a Disney character. Maybe one of those plastic lobsters from a few years back?)

I hereby charge the C.U.L.T. guys --

Henry Newberry (http://www.cultshirt.com/newbs/cultshirt2.nsf/PagesByNumber/10?opendocument)

Rocky Oliver (http://www.lotusgeek.com/)

Andrew Pollack (http://www.thenorth.com/apblog4.nsf?Open)

-- and anyone they deem appropriate, with the tasks of creating the ceremony, choosing the precise time and place, and performing the ceremony.

4. Closing General Session -- Thursday, January 27, 2005

Sandra Marcus must ask everyone in the ballroom to observe a moment of silence -- prayer optional -- begging forgiveness on behalf of everyone who has ever been involved in any way with Lotusphere, Lotus Week, or any other conference, trade show, symposium, or Web seminar where Lotus products were shown or talked about for any weather-related inconveniences they ever experienced.

Respectfully submitted,
Marshall Wilensky